The Fourth Commandment

A strange title for a post? First a Maddy Update: She is sitting unsupported! Milestones are so much fun. The best thing about her sitting on her own, is that I can so easily sit opposite her and admire her, rather than always cradling her in my own lap and thus only having a view of the back of her head! Eating is going quite well; in the photo below you can see her enjoying a nice sunny picnic with a bread stick to munch upon! Wendy took this picture, as unfortunately I don't get to enjoy these fun day-time activities any more, now I'm earning a living!! Well, there's always the weekend!

Wendy and I have enjoyed regular compliments on the way we are managing to bring up little Maddy. For this we are very grateful; it is a real encouragement. I am particularly thankful for the grace that we take care of her with such joy and pleasure (most of the time)! Which is why I am surprised that after all this time, the only negative remark we catch wind of is from the closest of quarters: my own mother. Perhaps this is common.

So why highlight the Fourth Commandment*? Well, firstly because that is the commandment I feel so often shameful for breaching. It is not to say I don't slip up on a few of the others from time to time, but that this is the one where, if it weren't for God's firm guidance, I would continue undaunted and never examine my conscience about it. Here is the whole commandment from Exodus 20:

Honour thy father and thy mother, that thou mayest be longlived upon the land which the Lord thy God will give thee.

This is significant: after the first part of the Decalogue (honouring God) we are introduced to the second part (the order of charity) with the way we should show honour to our own earthly parents. It is as if our own love and honour of God is reflected directly to the ones who nurtured us. It is a commandment with a promise: that of temporal fruits and prosperity. It follows that by scorning this commandment, and showing our parents disrespect, we bring upon ourselves harm and division.

Since I never knew my father very well, and since he has now died, it is really only in applying this honour to my mother that I fall short! Why is this so hard for me? Well, I must say, this is a difficult question to answer. The last time she stayed with us, I felt that I had been short, impatient, disconsiderate, and generally critical towards her. When I took her to Mass on the Sunday, I slipped off and brought this specific point to the confessional, knowing that I could not approach the Sacrament of the Altar with a clear conscience unless I did so. I was taken aback by a penance I am not usually asked to perform by that particular confessor: Recite the Hail, Holy Queen. This is a hymn to our Lady, which this Blog borrows from in the derivation of its title. Then I knelt back down in the pews, and pondered this prayer, looking over at the Statue of Our Lady. It occurred to me that this prayer was awakening in me a feeling of simple obedient love towards Our Heavenly Mother, which is precisely the way I should be feeling towards my own mother.

I took the opportunity to physically embrace my mum on this occasion, assuring her of my love for her, and reminded myself that I must see the image of Mary in my own mother if I am to succeed in honouring her as I should. We cannot choose our parents, so I must be grateful for the numerous acts of love which I have received from my mum. Really it is through the sacrifices she has made as a mother that I can stand where I am today. Although I am now independent and forging my own way through life, with my own conscience, it is important to recall and thank God for where I have come from. But most importantly, my mother is as much a part of my life now as she was in this photo, and perhaps she needs to know that.

*(note for Protestants: that it is the 5th commandment I'm referring to, because they number them differently. The bible presents the commandments as one continuous prose, so there is debate over their division and enumeration, including the odd conspiracy theory!)