Cat's Comeback

"Yes. It's me. Obviously I only check back here if there's something important. Well, a lot has happened since I last updated you: the rodent has died; a hamster with ADHD has moved in; and a most peculiar little thing has taken up residence as well. I noticed something was up when the feeders (or parents/slaves, call them what you will) were out of the house for about a 3-day stretch. Of course, one of them returned to feed me during the night - but I am used to a feed-on-demand system. So I was a little unsettled.

"Next thing, they are both home carrying a little bundle which I had to stay away from. When I finally got a look at it, I can only describe it, from my humble experience, as half-human half-hamster. It was slightly smaller, if not rounder than myself. It doesn't know how to meeow and manipulate others, in order to get food, and instead just yells. Which I find very unsettling.

"The worst thing is the way my slaves/parents/feeders seem besotted by this little 'lump of love'. I feel distinctly neglected. Trying to play with it didn't seem to help my cause, and I just got shouted at. Also there are several little beds scattered around the house; a moses basket, a bouncer, a cot - but none of these am I allowed to sleep in. Talk about favouritism. I have to put up with my cat-bed on the landing by day, and I'm shut up in the study by night. What has a cat gotta do?

"I am biding my time. I'm sure they will get bored of this lump, wherever it came from, eventually: and affirm me as king of the house, to be waited on hand and foot for the rest of my life. Who knows, perhaps this lump is another 'slave in training': for when my parents go senile (which doesn't look far off), to continue the cat-caring duties. But don't worry about me, viewers, when I'm not strutting, eating, sleeping, washing or reading Lacrimarum Valle: I'm playing KittenWar! A cat is never bored: Only preoccupied with rest and relaxation."