Happy Birthday Damian

Although my brother died over eleven years ago, I will never fail to cross this date without thinking of his birthday. Today he would have been 32 years old.

I have written a great deal about Damian previously, for the occasion of the 10th anniversary of his death. Now it strikes me how close his birthday is to that of Madeleine; a reminder that with life passed there will forever be Life continuing. It is perhaps with the bitter taste of death and grief that I am able to rejoice all the more for Life still to come.

I must stress that grief was so excruciating for me, that it was only by Grace that I managed to hold onto Life. The vision which was etched so deeply in my mind, as a saving thought amidst the Vale of Tears, is that of Family. This concept has many layers, and I am experiencing it most clearly on a day-to-day basis within my own household. But Family, for me, has certainly evolved over the last decade. With a brother gone, my whole experience of Family changed. This also happens painfully when older members of the family are lost, since they act as the cement, holding together different strands of a family.

When I imagine my brother as a 32 year-old, it is difficult to see him any differently from the last day I saw him; I was saying good-night to my big brother, having just watched the entire Star Wars Trilogy into the early hours (just released on video as a Special Edition) before I went back to boarding school, and him to University. He was a figure of wisdom and authority for me. The years after that were certainly dark, and misguided for me. I struggled to find my way perhaps because I didn't have him to look to any longer.

As I passed Damian's final age of twenty, I began a family of my own. I got married, had a baby, and found myself a father. I feel now as if Damian is very much a part of me and what I have become. He was blessed with an innocence that not many 20 year-olds manage to maintain, and one family member recently remarked that he is well placed now to make prayers for the young members of our family.

Damian will be forever young. Which is ironic because in life he suffered from the clutches of ill health and tiredness. Damian tasted death his whole life. He made friends with it, and thus distanced himself from the sort of bitter resentments that many of us feel we can harbour. It was only when he passed away, that I was faced with the same reality:

Which being put out, our body shall be ashes, and our spirit shall be poured abroad as soft air, and our life shall pass away as the trace of a cloud

(Wisdom 2:3)

In time, however, I managed to learn something more of that life which Damian seemed to absord and dissipate through his broken body:

The souls of the just are in the hand of God, and the torment of death shall not touch them.
In the sight of the unwise they seemed to die: and their departure was taken for misery:
And their going away from us, for utter destruction: but they are in peace.
And though in the sight of men they suffered torments, their hope is full of immortality.
Afflicted in few things, in many they shall be well rewarded: because God hath tried them, and found them worthy of himself.

(Wisdom 3:1-5)

Damian borrowed my pocket Jerusalem Bible whilst studying. I think it was easier for him to carry around. This last passage from the book of Wisdom was underlined boldly in pencil. I hope for some of it to be etched on his gravestone.

Damian would have been a great Uncle to Maddy. He loved kids and was great with my baby brother. If he was still alive I'm sure he would be spreading even more joy. But my heart rests content knowing that the people he did touch, are still spreading that joy today.

Requiescat in Pace